SWAK
I'm going to throw this out there. If you don't want it, throw it back. Salt Lake men are afraid of women. I (as in me, Allison) was hit on twice in the fair city of Denver. It makes me feel good. Natually, Ashely and Michelle were hit on more but the sheer fact that men wanted to hang out with me was amazing.
I'm going to throw this out there as well (please, do me a favor, don't gush over me as if this is news) I can count on one hand how many men have asked me on a date since I was 18. One a year, I guess that's not bad. I don't want to say I don't understand you guys (I have spent a lot of time learning the male brain) but what is your deal? I'm a single, generally attractive, disese free woman. Why don't men ask me out?
One of the men that hit on me is moving to Utah for grad school. I sure do hope he calls me.
To top off this great trip: I kissed Logan (Ashley's brother) on the forehead.
Kudos to you, Denver men, to give Ashley, Michelle and me something to hope for.
posted by Creativity Escapes Me at 19:29
13 Comments:
The above blog is just depressing. Please erase it. Oy.
22:43
Don't believe him! He's just trying to get you to go out with him...
00:08
Fear? I'd agree on that point more than laziness or shyness. But it stands in question as to what is feared. Rejection? I don't think so, at least not that's been my experience. Rejection sucks, but it brings refreshing finality. Plus if it was rejection, then theoretically the same thing would be happening in Denver. I've been thinking about this post a while in relation to dating in general, with all the single, attractive, disease free women. Not that I've any rational behind it, but obviously the game's changed. On both sides, mind you - culture affects women as well. I've skimmed past some ideas, not as excuses (and it should be noted that I don't excuse myself as I stand condemned by having to check the 's' in the marital status box), but rather theories, because obviously something is the regular-type whack.
1. Media. I know - common cop-out. But what we get fed affects us, and currently the flavor of choice seems to be the nagging wife who happens to be right all the time and often reminds her half-wit, sex-driven, prideful husband of the fact. Or, on the other hand, a lewd coarseness that makes one feel sick to the stomach. Leaves something to be desired.
2. Individuality. Something that's been greatly touted. While it's created a greater sense of self-worth, it's brought with it pride and cliquishness. So no longer is it seen as sufficient that a relationship be a yin-yang whole, but rather we now seek ourselves. It's even seen as a major set-up factor (oh, you both love to wear flip-flops, you'll get along great). As well, I think it adds a sense that if we were to start dating a girl who thought differently, it'd be a major conflict of interest and one or the other would be smothered by the influence of our own individuality. Or perhaps not enough so, and we find our catagorical stereotypes all too fitting. But as to add up to not asking a girl out? Hmmm, perhaps not, but could be a factor. I'll have to ponder that one a bit more.
3. Culture. Well, duh. But how? Firstly, I think we're given too much instruction. Everyone else seems to figure it out just fine. Perhaps some are having trouble adapting to the culture that's been handed to us, telling us when, where, how, how often, and appropriate ways to ask out, date, and have a relationship. Secondly, we're on a different schedual than everyone else. I.E. we have one. Basically for me, my dating life has been broken into four stages: 1. Before 16: don't. 2. Between 16 and mission: don't get into a serious relationship. 3. Mission: Repeat step 1, lose a turn, do not pass go, do not collect $200. See women as a potential danger to yourself and your companion, and the only ONLY acceptable situation in which you will talk to or contact another woman is when there are AT LEAST 2 other men present. Because obviously women are so dangerous that you and your companion aren't sufficient to handle the situation. Yeah, that's not gunna mess a guy up when he reaches 4. Post-mission: So, is she the one? Note: Each of these steps can be tracked to exact dates (I turned 16 on my birthday, I left on my mission June 20, 2001, I returned June 25, 2003) - in other words, a transition period of about .0325 seconds. Emotional supression (waiting for the right moment) becomes the norm, because if you release emotions before you're told to the consequences are irreversable. Post Post Script: I'm not saying I abhor morals, nor do I loathe keeping them. There's sacrifices one makes to keep moral standards, and sometimes a healthy and normal social development are the currency we use to buy our standards. You get the idea here. Thirdly, association; in that the people who we most often ask out are the ones we associate with the most. And while I've perpetuated my share of awkward situations, I know I've also received my share. Which tends to weed out chances of asking someone out who you don't plan on dating. Although this has been a deterrant for me in the past, I feel I've gotten much better at it. But I know it still plagues many a soul. (Yes, you can write awkwardness just below kryptonite on my list:P). But I feel as if I'm making excuses again. Anyhow, it's no way to answer the question on hand, but it's the results of my thinking.
01:53
Shoot, that was too long. Sorry, I'll think before I post next time.
01:56
No thinking allowed when it comes to this business. I guess that was the point. We're all thinking WAY TOO HARD. We're trying to figure out prospectives' moves eternities in advance. We can't even afford to waste a single first date, not knowing, or thinking we already know, if they're super right or really wrong for us. It's a mess, and Allison, you're cool.
(YES, YOU ARE). And we need boyfriends. (THAT'S TRUE.)
22:17
Coming from someone who has had several boyfriends, I can honestly tell you that it is mostly a trial and error thing. It is always exciting to be "the new kid" because you are exotic and potentially different from all of the other girls guy X may possibly know, so of course you're going to like it in my hood. Guys in Colorado are not LDS (for the most part) and are not sizing you up for "time and all eternity". Like Michelle said "We can't even afford to waste a single first date, not knowing, or thinking we already know, if they're super right or really wrong for us." Here,(meaning in Denver) their first motive (assuming the gent is honorable and not LDS) is to get to know you and see if they like spending time with you. First dates here are not as much pressure as they are in Utah. Having said that, first dates w/ guys that are LDS here are ALSO not as much pressure b/c they don't *neccissarily want to marry you right away. In Utah I found many a guy who, just after a date or two, would ask me to pray w/ him to see if we were "meant to be". After a comment like that, those kind of relationships ended really quickly. Some advice: Marry your best friend. Find a guy who is a buddy of yours and test the water. If you know it could never be, just remain his friend, but if there is a glimmer of hope that you two could be more than just weekend gamers together, I say go for it. The best marriages are when two people who were friends first fall in love and know it's right. Al, you are good looking, you are the type woman that scardy guys can't ask out b/c they're afraid your eyes will do that laser thing and you'll see how unworthy they are to deserve a woman like you. But fear not! Your superman, my batman, and Michelle's green lanturn will show up and wisk us away to the best friends league (aka the temple) and we will be happy we didn't accept the dates/marriage proposals from those other, less qualified, yahoos.
*I'm sure there are some Denver guys who would marry you on the spot, but you would have to carefully consider if a guy like that was the guy for you, or just looking for a visa into the country. I know that's harsh, but a girl's got to protect herself =)
12:00
Superman? Yes. He's my Superman. The Green Lantern was far cooler. Apparently I can't spell disease. Not attractive but generally attractive. I dig that time and all eternigy line. It's the truth. I must get out of Utah. But how? By bus, by train, by automobile? I'm here for the next little while...at least until I'm done with Army.
18:47
wow, I must have taken a wrong turn at notpoo. I didn't mean to come to the Dr. Phil post.
15:19
Or, maybe we do fear rejection.
13:50
I don't think "our" version of shooting men down is quite the same, but the point is essentially the same.
Ouch.
22:18
Ya, I don't think I've ever double knifed a guy in the eyes...but that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it...
16:34
I need my space!!! No means no!!! I just want to be friends!!!! I love you!
Hilarious!
10:13
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.
And then it's hilarious :).
00:19
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