Speed Dating

What a phenomenon.

Thanks, Radio From Hell, for giving me the most thrilling night of my life (read sarcastically, if you need to read it again, please do so).

Every so often, RFH throws singles mixers. This one was at the Downtown Iggy's. Sounds like fun. I'm a single, disease free, personality filled, independent, good looking, Libra. Why not?

I get there at about 7:00 and I looked great. I was wearing a clever tee-shirt. Can’t go wrong. I run into Bill from the Radio From Hell show. He gave me a hug and he directed me to the registration table where I put my name badge on. I give Richie T a hug and he tells me to go and find a table that doesn't have a lot of people and go be social. I find a table with a couple guys at it. J-Name Guy is 29, he's a meat cutter for Harmon's, races cars at Rocky Mountain Raceway, likes to be out doors, his favorite sport is NASCAR, had brown hair, and a goatee. (Insert name here) is 44, he works at a pump manufacturing plant fixing tools, is first generation American with a Greek family, has thinning hair, glasses, and a big nose. After 45 minutes of painful, forced, and contrived conversation Eric shows up. Eric is 21, works at Lowe's as a help people get stuff to their cars guy, is a gamer, has glasses, and graduated from Box Elder High School in 2005 (How do I know this? He wore his class ring.).

Speed dating started at 8:00.

The gentlemen get up from the table and the Portia of Live and Local fame sits down at my table because we needed two ladies at each table. Portia is pretty cool. Then the men start rolling in. They are all guys that have jobs, are decently good looking, they even kinda smell good but then I think back to some advice my sister gave me, "He has a Jeep and muscles, but can he talk to you?" J-Name Guy and (insert name here) avoided the politics question like the plague so I knew I couldn't talk politics with the nameless rabble of dudes.

The only dude I could talk politics with was Luis. He is graduating from the University of Utah with his Bachelors in Social Work in the spring. Then he's going to jump right into graduate work. He's working full time and going to school full time. As soon as he started in on how much he loves social work it was time to switch partners. As he was getting up to leave I told him I wanted to keep talking to him about social work but he never came back.

This whole time the waiter, Dave, was bringing us Dr. Pepper (because it was a Pepsi establishment...I think we all know how I feel about Pepsi), water, and all manner of adult beverages. I felt like he was kinda keeping an eye on me. Once the evening was over Dave came over and sat next to me and asked me how it went. "Well, Dave, it's hard to get to know someone in five minutes. Stuff like this takes years. Dating in Utah is like (insert forced metaphor here)." He kept nodding his head. As I was ordering some dinner, Eric the Gamer showed back up to my table.

More forced conversation with Eric the Gamer and I mean forced. Here I am trying to eat my turkey sandwich and fries and he's talking about how he nearly lost his eye when he was four and that's why the armed forces (because I was in the Army, common thread is probably what he was thinking) wouldn't take him but he wanted to join…can you imagine what my face is doing? Dave the Waiter came and sat next to me after his smoke break and asked for me to come back. I told him I'd only come back if I could sit in his section. He told me he could make that happen.

Eric the Gamer paid for my dinner and I didn't have the heart to not give him my phone number. So now, in my phone, I have the number of Eric the Gamer (he texted me the next day and called me two days after the evening of his company). As I was boxing up my dinner he asked if he could walk me to my car. No thanks, I think can make it. I get up from the table, stick my hand out for a handshake and he's half way to a hug. I concede and give him a one armed embrace. As we're walking to the door of Iggy's we just so happen to walk by Portia's table. I tell her to have a good evening and I also roll my eyes. While Eric the Gamer is walking toward the door she looks at me and with a look of disgust on her face mouths the words "Are you leaving with him?" I mouth back while shaking my head and rolling my eyes yet again, "No."

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Medical school, I'll find him in medical school.