As promised.

My bench warrent.

It all started in the Summer of 2003. I was pulled over for speeding (almost yearly, haven't been given a speeding ticket in almost two years, I'm crossing my fingers that this trend continues). The usual drill: pay the fine and get a date for traffic school. I'm sure it was explained to me but if you don't show up to traffic school you're breaking a lawful order (failure to appear), and therefore, can get arrested. I missed my traffic school date. Woopsie.

Flash forward to November 28, 2004. I'm in Afghanistan and I receive a letter from my mom with a post-it note that read, "I think you need to take care of this. Love, Mom." I look at the letters. One of them is a statement saying I needed to pay some court costs. The other is a summons to be in front of the Honorable Judge Michael Kwan on November 30, 2004. Being in Afghanistan I had a couple options. Be the hero and tell my First Sergeant I needed to take some emergency leave to go take care of things with the City of Taylorsville - or - call the City of Taylorsville and tell them my situation. I chose the latter.

I was on the phone with Michelle in the City of Taylorsville Court and she said, "The best you can do in your situation is to send us checks for all the fees you have incured and write the judge a letter on your letterhead explaining your situation making sure you include copies of your orders. Be sure to get all the papers noterized." I did just that. It took a couple days to track down a notery but I found one with the JAG.

He asked me what was needing to be noterized and I told him the whole story. He laughed and said, "Fucking government. Can't they look up in their database and see that your kind of not in the country." I shurg my shoulders and say, "I know. Maybe I won't speed anymore."

I get the letters mailed out and I think things are fine and dandy.

Over Memorial Day Weekend 2005 I make my way down to the Sand Dunes to pay a visit to my First Sergeant to make good on a deal, I owed him a case of Bud Light. On my way down I get pulled over for speeding through the city of Lehi. He gives me a ticket and sends me on my merry way.

About two weeks later I'm all moved into my new apartment adjusting to single life and alone living. I'm living my life when the little voice we all have whispers into my ear, "You should go check to make sure everything is taken care of with the City of Taylorsville." I talk myself out of it because in January 2005 I got one of my own checks back with a letter that read, "This matter has already been take care of."

Little voice again, and again, and again.

One Saturday night in July I decided to order some Chinese food and watch a movie. The next day on my home from church I go check my mail because I forgot to check it the day before. I got a letter from the City of Taylorsville. Odd. I open it up and in big, bold letters at the top I read, "Defendant: Allison. Any officer of the peace is authorized to arrest the forementioned defendent and bring them to the City of Taylorsville Court House."

Arrest...Defendant...Allison...Arrest...Allison...Arrest...Me...Arrest me.

Tears streaming down my face. I freak out. I called my dad leaving frantic messages, crying. "Dad, I need help. I don't know what to do." I get a call back, "Allison, calm down, what's wrong? Everything will be okay." Doing that hiccupy crying I say, "The (breath in) Ci- (breath in) -ty of Taylors- (breath in) -ville wants (breath in) to ar- (breath in) ar- (breath in) arrest me. I was in Afghan- (breath in) -istan. I was in Af- (breath in) -ghanistan. I was in Afghanistan." Dad's wife says, "We're in your neighborhood, we'll be right over."

Minutes later I'm hugging my dad and sobbing on his shoulder. He reads though the letter and says, "Allison, we thought you were pregnant. This isn't a big deal. Look at this. You can go get a bench warrent recall on these dates." (In my panicked crying, I must have missed that part of the letter.)

They leave me to my thoughts and leftover Chinese food. I crack open my last fortune cookie. "Your luck has completely changed today." You can't make this stuff up.

I go to the soonest bench warrent recall date (which was the same day as Camille Clawson's wedding reception and the day I met the coolest summer boyfriend I ever had). I'm all dressed up in slacks and a blouse, hair done. I was wearing panty hose. I was among people that were wearing jeans and t-shirts...IN COURT. I had a file with all the copies of my orders and the letters and everything I thought I needed for court. I was practically the last person to see the judge after people who were driving without proof of insurance.

It comes to my turn. I get up in front of the Honorable Michael Kwan and he says, "You were supposed to be in my court on November 30th and on April 30th. Where were you?"

"Sir, on the November court date I was serving with my Utah Army National Guard unit that was deployed to Bagram Air Field, Afghanistan. If I had known I was to be here in April, I would have been here."

I tell my story making sure I use phrases like "Utah Army National Guard" "Deployment" "Afghanistan" "Serving the United States" Stuff like that. I've seen court shows and I wanted to be a lawyer.

As I'm finishing my story the Honorable Judge Michael Kwan looks at me. The City District Attorney looks at me then at the judge then back at me. He stands up from his solitare game on his laptop and says, "Your Honor, the City of Taylorsville is willing to overlook these infractions since she's been serving our country." Judge Kwan looks at me and says, "Is that okay with you?" I nod my head and say, "Yes, your Honor. That's completely fine with me."

Five minutes later, I'm in my car and driving to tell my dad that I was a free woman.

Sociology

Let me start today's installment off with I can no longer study at Dee's Family Restaurant because there is too much going on. I've been in my Sociology class for two weeks and already I'm looking at the world as social groups.

This brings me to why I wanted to post about Sociology. I have a paper due on the 29th about having a different sociological experience. "5. Attend an activity that is opposite or distinctly different than what you are accustomed to (different church, sporting event, social group, political meeting, school board). Write about how the experience was different from your normal social behavior."

Here's the problem: I was raised in West Valley City and went to a junior high school that had a gang population; I've attended Catholic Mass, Jewish Shabbat, Christian worship services and studied Scientology; I was raised in a staunch Republican family and am a registered Democrat; I'm a woman that was in the military as a vehicle mechanic; I've worked in grocery, construction, food service and in an office; I've been to hell and back and I'm supposed to find something I've never done and go somewhere I've never been.

One thing I can think of that I've never done is attend a "Mormon" church service. You say to yourself, "Allison, you're a Mormon." I would like to submit that I am not. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I'm not a Mormon. I believe being Mormon is a cultural choice and being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is an emotional and spiritual choice. Think, conversion.

(*DISCLAIMER* I know we are all on our own rung of our very own spiritual ladder. This post in no way compares me to you on whichever rung we happen to be on. I am only comparing myself to myself and the experiences I've had in my life with the experiences I've had and am going to have*)

Is it possible to have a completly different cultural experience as I venture to a Utah County Singles Ward?

What will the differences be when I go from my culturally and politically diverse family ward to a not so diverse singles ward?

What will happen when I hear the phrase "Fiber of my being" and want to vomit?

These questions and more will be answered on Sunday.

Things to do in 2008, a list

Eat more tater tots.
Fold my laundry.
Forget to type my talk for church (Speaking of, if you would like to come: 800 E. 700 S. 11:00 AM Sacrament, January 13, 2008).
Stop watching Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, any VH1 countdown show and My Super Sweet 16.
Try to stay awake for The Soup.
End my new found obsession with Brittney Spears.
Read my text books.
Spend more time with my dad and his wife.
Make my bed more often.
Take my Christmas tree down (crossing my fingers for tomorrow).
Buy the battered fish sticks not the minced ones.
Drive my car for the sake of driving my car.
Blog about Las Vegas and my bench warrent.

Here I Go Again On My Own

I would like to thank Whitesnake for the title of this entry.

I would like you all to know that I am making a resolution here and now (among many others that I keep in list form on my mirror) to blog weekly.

I think I will make my weekly blog day Friday. Crap. Today is Wednesday. Starting this week you will have two episodes of "Life of Allison" and what she feels shooting out into the cosmic void that is the world wide interweb.

Today's is entitled "Here I Go Again On My Own." It makes me think that maybe it should be called "But Scott, who's going to take over the world when I die. Feels like that so some of us." Let's stay with the Whitesnake thread.

I was at my dad's house for two days. I went over for Christmas and didn't leave until the 27th. It's kinda nice to have a spare bedroom rather than a couch, which I have actually slept on before. I have cable. My dad has satellite. I have 100 channels with nothing but Keeping Up with the Kardashians and he has 1,000 channels of reruns and HBO Latino. Something good that comes from 1,000 channels is our ability to play the game.

The game started when I was a lass, probably age 12 or 13. My dad had a subscription to Time Life Music of the 60's and 70's. Every month he would receive a new CD with the designated year's hits. 1974, 1963. They didn't come in order and each year had a follow up CD. Take for example 1979. The CD for the year was called 1979 and the follow up CD was called 1979: Take Two.

To play the game, Dad would play the CD and I would hold the case. He would then be required to name the artist and title for each song. He was very good at it seeing as though he grew up with the music and practically forced me to play the game...okay, so I willingly played the game because it was time with my dad and with loud music. Sometimes he could get in within the first few riffs but other times he would need a hint. Every hint would be two part: 1. Group or person 2. Initals of said group or person.

The Rolling Stones are to this day called the RSs because I didn't know who sang the song so my dad gave me the hint: 1. Group 2. RS. I drew a blank. Forever known as the girl who didn't know I Can't Get No, Satisfaction was performed by the RSs.

The game is so awesome with satellite because he has about 100 channels that just plays music, all the time, commercial-free. But finally, two (and more) can play at the game. Because they have "College Hits" and "Adult Top 40" and "Garage Rock" and "90s" that I can sometimes take a stab at. The first to say the artist and title get the prize of being the first to say the artist and title. Which almost always spawns the discussion of how one knows the song and why it was on the tip of everyone else's tongue.

When a Beatles song comes on you must name the title and the album it is on. Dad can even go as far as to A or B side. I have no reason to not believe him.

There is a channel that is all RSs.

There is a channel that is all Elvis where you are required to say the song and what phase his career he was in while it was recorded: Young, hot Elvis; Religious Elvis; Paunchy Old Elvis.

Which brings me to my point. Here I Go Again On My Own was playing on the 80s hair band station. I knew the song. I thought I knew the artist. I was trying to think, trying to think, trying to think.

This song was featured in a Strong Bad Email...well it was a The Cheat Email when Seb asks The Cheat if he can run a mile. The Cheat is launched off the Stop Sign in The Tire and he sings the line "Here I go again on my own." Strong Bad Email was really popular in my life before I went to Afghanistan. My sister was taking a Physics class (you know the one with the really thick blue book that kills your book budget) with a couple friends and Merrill challenged her to find out who performed the song. She looked it up and found that it was Whitesnake.

I couldn't put the band with the song so I looked at the screen where the vital information was rolling around the screen like a pong screen saver. FREAKIN' WHITESNAKE! I could've hit my head on the couch. I freakin' knew that. Which is the downside of the game. Profanities usually abound while playing the game because we all know the music better than what we give ourselves credit for.

I enjoy the game because we can play it for hours and not get tired of it. I enjoy the game because it brings the family together. I enjoy the game because if we plead our case correctly by saying the song's almost over then we can listen to the next song or even hear more of the song that we want to hear.

Good times.